Tell me Siri
Who should I marry?
Kylie and Molly both love me
but I love them each so differently.
Decisions are so hard to make
I want to avoid a serious mistake
so tell me Siri for you are wise
which of the two would you advise?
“Well I was there the day you were born
for your emails, phone calls, your favorite song
your DNA, heart rate, the porn you love
I was there each date you went on
You recorded, uploaded and shared the sex
with Kylie and Molly and all the rest
assuring not only that I know you
Siri was there for their births too.
Based on my decades of data samples
knowing you and them and what each likes
probability indicates it would be folly
if you did not choose to marry Molly.
You’re liking Kylie’s T and A
as programmed since the dawn of time
you weight her beauty at .88
forgetting she is in her prime
my algorithms reveal to me
in the longer run it will less matter
I know that you don’t like my choice
but Siri thinks you should Molly marry.”
Siri didn’t tell
what she already knew
that Kylie, while she likes you
will probably marry your friend Drew.
Your momma and her posse crew
always knew what you would do
but they have nothing now on Google
which knows you better than you know you.